What to wear to a funeral?
Most of us associate funeral attire with something sombre, usually black and conservative. It is a culture that goes back to Victorian times when mourners would be required to wear black for a year and a half after the death of a loved one. Nowadays the rules and conventions around mourning dress are much less rigid but that can leave us wondering what should I wear to a funeral?
Many of us still choose black but over the last few decades any dark colours are seen as acceptable from deep browns, greys, navy blues even dark bottle green. Darker colours have been traditionally worn as a sign of respect, to ensure that the focus is on the deceased and to show the deceased’s family that you share their grief. Black has long been the traditional colour of mourning in European culture – in some Asian cultures white is the colour associated with funeral dress.
It’s not only the colour of the clothing but the style and cut which can be seen as unacceptable. The general rule of thumb is dark suit and dark tie for men, for women skirt below the knee with covered shoulders and cleavage – dress as you would for a job interview. A couple of decades ago this would have also included covering tattoos and removing facial piercings. These are the rules we have observed for years and most of us are pretty comfortable with that. As our attitudes to funerals shift some of us are left wondering what the new rules are!
It’s not unusual for a person who has planned a ‘celebration of life’ funeral to include a dress code in line with the style of ceremony they have chosen and to reflect their personality. After all, it is difficult to create a celebratory atmosphere when all around are in stiff black suits. If that is the case then it is respectful to honour that request, for example, no black or please wear something green. It is still, however, best to err on the side of caution and stay reasonably conservative. If the only green clothing you have is your skimpiest party frock and matching boa then wear something dark and modest with a green scarf or accessories.
A friend of mine recently attended a celebration of life funeral and was told explicitly to dress casual. Believing it to be a mark of respect to his friends wishes he wore a shirt and smart jeans – when he arrived everyone else was wearing dark suits and black tie!
There are now other factors to consider when deciding what to wear depending on the age of the deceased or the circumstances of their death. If the person who has died was young there is a tendency to encourage funeral goers to wear more brightly coloured and casual clothing. At the funeral of a teenage girl last year the whole congregation were dressed in a T shirt bearing her face to keep her as the focus of the day. We regularly see images in the media showing themed funerals with mourners in fancy dress because that was the wish of the deceased.
If you have been asked to observe a particular dress code then you should do so, as a mark of respect, even if it is something like ‘wear bright yellow’ that you wouldn’t have chosen for yourself. If there is no specific dress code no one will be offended if you wear something dark and modest.
fmLet’s face it attending a funeral can be difficult enough without having to worry that you’re improperly dressed.
