Giving a Eulogy
The word eulogy comes from the greek for ‘praise’
In terms of a funeral, a eulogy is an opportunity to give a commemorative speech. It allows time to remember and focus on the person who has died. The average funeral eulogy usually lasts between 5 and 10 minutes. Not a great deal of time to illustrate a person and their life, so it is important to be concise and use the time effectively.
Most of us feel it is important that the life and personality of the deceased is well represented at a funeral ceremony. A celebrant will be trained in how to give a write an deliver a good eulogy. However someone who did not know the deceased may not be the most appropriate person to deliver this part of the service. Family members may feel unable to speak themselves and would prefer the eulogy to be given by a friend or someone who knew their loved one well.
Being asked to write a eulogy is an honour but can also seem like a daunting task – where do you start?
First of all this is not something to be rushed so allow yourself plenty of time. Speaking to friends and family of the deceased is a good place to start. Ask questions, get information, share humourous anecdotes and memories.
Think about who you will be addressing. Not everyone at the funeral will know the deceased very well so it’s useful to include a condensed, informative ‘potted history’ of their life. Where they worked, lived, socialised, engaged in hobbies etc. You may wish to mention family members or close friends in the speech. A good eulogy will have a balance of facts, stories and humour. It is easy to fall into the trap of writing a very formal piece but your audience will engage much more if the tone is light and conversational. Write from the heart and don’t over refine your speech. Above all, be honest in your eulogy, there’s no point in describing a saint or talking about amazing qualities the person didn’t possess!
Once you have drafted a written speech then try it out with a few different people, ideally this should include a member of the deceased’s family. It will certainly improve your confidence if you know your words have the family’s approval. Remember too, that even the most beautifully written eulogy can be ruined if the speaker merely reads words from the page. Rehearse and familiarise yourself with the speech so that it flows when you come to give it. You will probably be feeling apprehensive and emotional as you speak so it’s useful to have note cards in front of you, as keyword reminders.
It is immensely satisfying to have delivered a successful eulogy. It can be a great source of comfort to families who feel that you ,and they, have done justice to the memory of their loved one.
